Rent

Sometimes I think that life is an irony. A big one. I had never imagined seeing myself here, before your grave. But I learned that adversity is our great master. The unpleasant events that happen in our lives are blessings in disguise. The person that we hate the most is who disclose the mystery - of how we are made - to us. And you did it many years ago.

I was at one den on a lonely night, but being there got me here.

You came in for a pack of cigarettes, and you noticed me at the bar. I had barely seen you coming to where I was. What could I perceive ..? Not much… Just a tall figure moving towards me.

What was the reason that brought you to me ?… I still don’t know. I was just at a bar on a street.

You took the barstool next to me, and with no any previous question, you began to speak to me.

In your French accent and confusing words, you told who you were -something I hadn’t believed at first. I just did when you’d taken me to a restaurant off Broadway to assure me your position in show business.

Now I think about it, and the whole thing seemed funny to me; but that was your way. A little bit arrogant, I assume quite European.

After some words, you slipped a card into my hand. You looked like you were in rush, and you left the place.

Days later, I called you. I did it not for money just by loneliness. I am quite sure about it. In spite of that was no longer under my father’s protecting wing. I was thrown into the world, and there was nobody there to take me into shelter. Then, you came along.

The first thing you did was to take me out of that rat hole in where I was. In a sense, you gave me back my life. I was a man of studies who had not worried about his career because he lived off at his father’s expense, until this found out that his son wasn’t what he wanted to be. Even until today, I can’t pronounce that word, I still kept that complex with me.

At the present, wherever you are, just believe me that I wanted nothing. I desired to have a person who loved me and cared about me -what my father never did even before he knew nothing about my tendency. I thanked you for everything. However, I barely remembered you asking me about my hopes and dreams, but just only about the date to pay off the rent. Indeed, you paid my rent but not my life.

At least, you were an upright man, you never went to me -not even close, when you knew about what my life had turned out. Well, I should suppose that as you disliked sordid scenes, rather any scandal, you did not. Until today, I looked at the two of us sometimes in ecstasy. And, it was just a perfect couple. No arguments. No any wrong word. We, or you, calculated our scene. And, I had adopted it in my double life.

Definitely not all on you was wrong. You taught me to run away from who didn’t love me or appreciate me as person - although either I was or not in love. I did it when I left you. 

I only have is my memories with you, especially when you came through the door in exhilaration after the success of your play with caviar and champagne to celebrate, and as everything turned into gray when you lay next to me and my words were meaningless to you.

Well, looked at me now, I walked away on you, and I pursued my dream. They were tough years, where money was scarce, but I accomplished my ambition. I know that I am not the kind of writer that you had expected, but, at least, I am a respected financial adviser who expresses all his wisdom about business into words.

Neither could my father have imagined that I would have a family. At that time, with you,  a wife was unthinkable. But I have learned ironically that I can have the best of two worlds.

At this hour on which I will turn around on my feet, and I will walk away, so I will never see you cold marble stone again; I thank you to have made me aware of what I was and was made of. And, it was more than a guy, who was your little toy, expecting the rent payment and gifts from you. 

My words of gratitude to you. 

Good Bye.